Quote #65

well see
i think i like the crazies
but im tryin to change that
im all nice and shit
tryin to take it slow and what not
being a gentleman
but shes tryin to bone
which is awesome
so i dont have to be as gentleman like and shit

-Jeremy Chang on IM

Quote #64

but i cant wait to end that shit [working odd jobs]
so i can look for a real job
and quit this bartending shit
im a new man kyle
im settlin down
gotta find me a job
save money
i dont get wasted anymore
well
not as much
sometimes i cant help it
but for the most part im through with gettin trashed
pot and some beers
thats all i ask

-Jeremy Chang on IM

Quote #63

Kyle: what have you been up to?
Jeremy: not much
Jeremy: working a lot
Jeremy: plus now i got this lil honeydip im really into
Jeremy: so shes taking up my time and fucking money

Quote #62

"She's new to New York. She's probably looking for some dude's dick to put inside of her...to make her feel at home."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #61

"You wanna hear some crazy shit?...The other night I was DJ-ing, there were two girls licking each others' nipples."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #60

"She told me the chances of getting audited were like winning the lottery. I'm not gonna win the lottery...so fuck it."
-Jeremy Chang on fudging his tax return

Quote #59

Jeremy: "Hey everyone...I'm having a big cookout on 4th of July, and you're all invited."

Kyle: "Crap. I won't be here on 4th of July."

Jeremy: "Oh really? Well...actually...I don't think I'll be here either."

Quote #58

Jeremy is talking...but suddenly pauses and stands at attention like one of those pointer dogs:

Jeremy: "Someone's smoking a blunt."

Elizabeth: "I don't smell anything."

Jeremy: "Trust me, I can smell blunt smoke from, like, a mile away."

Quote #57

"I think I'll be good at this game. I'm really good at rolling threes!"
-Jeremy on playing dice.

Quote #56

"man ive been drinking so much lately its startin to become pretty natural
this week im gonna chill though
just blaze and shit
i drank every waking moment of my weekend
literally
there was a beer in my face every morning i woke up
i blacked out like 3 times
in 3 nights
it was gettin ugly
i was so drunk the other night
i hooked up with this nasty chick
KNOWING she was nasty
when i was drunk
she was lookin nasty even when i was drunk
thats how drunk i got
ugh
anyways
when you guys goin out for happy hour?"
-An excerpt from Jeremy on instant messenger

Quote #55

Kyle: "You're not thinking about doing the [pot] delivery service are you?"
Jeremy: "No...I decided that wasn't a good idea. You know, I wouldn't want to ride my bike around all day and shit."

Quote #54

"I'll be better when I get a steady income stream that doesn't require me to work hard."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #53

"I just had a 2 week break, and let me tell you, i feel refreshed. Well, my body feels like shit."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #52

"I went out the other night with a buddy of mine who's a dealer. The mound of coke was like this high (gesturing 12" off the table). Then we ended up playing monopoly at 7 o'clock in the morning."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #51

"Sandra Bullock used to go to the same sorority as one of my buddies, and used to smoke pot and get fucked. The thing is I used to think Sandra Bullock was so cool."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #50

Adam: "At frat parties, there's so much date rape."
Jeremy: "Yea and those girls know what happened, and they'll be back the very next weekend. They like that type of shit."

Quote #49

"If you're gonna put anything up your nose, it better be a designer drug."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #48

Adam & Kyle: "You haven't done your taxes yet?"
Jeremy: "No man. It's the government. Fuck them. They can suck my dick."

Quote #47

"They have really good cafeteria food at Virginia Tech."
-Jeremy Chang's reaction to the VT shooting

Quote #46

"...

...

...Instant pussy...what a fucking joke."

-Jeremy Chang, on the phone

Quote #45

"You know, I have this theory...that most music industry girls are just dirty groupies, in disguise."
-Jeremy Chang, on his female co-workers

Quote #44

"It's hard to turn down free alcohol. It's like having a skanky woman naked in front of you, asking for some dick."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #43

"You should only have regrets if you impregnate a dirty bitch."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #42

"It smelled like a thousand corpses and a sack of assholes thrown in an oven."
-Jeremy Chang's description of a clogged toilet

Quote #41

"It's OK to pee in the ocean...a whale turd is like 18 pounds."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #40

"There's only so much juice you can get from a frozen grape."
-Jeremy Chang on the manufacturing of ice wine.

Quote #39

"Do you mind if I pee in your backyard?"
-Jeremy Chang's request at a house-warming party.

Quote #38

"Every time I would squeeze it, it would shit...so, I would always squeeze the shit out of it."
-Jeremy Chang, when referring to a pet hamster of his

Quote #37

"I'm not partaking in it. You can butt-fuck all you want but, I don't want to."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #36

"I feel sorry for lesbians. Everybody wants to be friends with a gay guy, but no one wants to hang out with a lesbian"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #35

"If I take a random chick home, I don't fucking care about her. I just want to bust a nut...I am a good guy."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #34

"I'd rather pull out, rip that shit off, and throw it in her mouth"
-Jeremy Chang on using condoms

Quote #33

"Girls get really upset if you concentrate on anything other than them. Like if you pick up a remote"
-Jeremy Chang on receiving oral sex

Quote #32

"I said let's throw a party. We'll open up all 3 floors, spray paint the basement and turn it into a heroin den!"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #31

"The only way I could possibly have sex with her, is if I died with a boner and she jumped on top of me"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #30

Conway: "It was really good."
Jeremy: "Really?"
Conway: "Yeah."
Jeremy: "Wait...really good? or pussy good?"

Quote #29

"This girl Katie is just begging for some dick."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #28

"I hate bums. Well, the regular ones are okay. But, I hate the smelly ones."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #27

"I have great communication skills...

...

...

...

...I like money."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #26

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Quote #25

"I feel like I'm selling cigarettes to a 12-year-old...this is ridiculous."
-Jeremy Chang's take on working a recent Doghouse Records release.

Quote #24

"I know it's hard to understand things like emo and terrorism, but it's out there. There are people out there who want to hurt us."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #23

"Are you guys talking about wet dreams?...I don't think there's such thing. It's one of those educational myths they tell you in school...like 'smoking pot is bad for you.'"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #22

"Someone was telling me that online poker sites support terrorism. I was like 'fuck you...I'm playing poker.'"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #21

"I could strap a microphone to a toilet and make a better album...with my ass!"
-Jeremy Chang's take on a recent Doghouse Records release.

Quote #20

"I guess it depends on the kid...sometimes you gotta smack the shit out of em. I don't advocate spanking though"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #19

"I totally understand. I know what a gang bang is."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #18

Adam: "Ray Davies is coming to the office...I'm sorta giddy"
Jeremy: "Yea, I'm giddy too"
Kyle: "Do you like The Kinks?"
Jeremy: "No, not really"

Quote #17

"When I'm pushing and I feel pressure on the back of their neck...then I know they're not into it"
-Jeremy Chang on receiving oral sex

Quote #16

"Is there a button over there you guys can push to just you know...make things work"
-Jeremy Chang, when talking with Tech Support to fix a virus on his computer

Quote #15

"Isn't there someone famous named Dick Parker?...game show host?"
-Jeremy Chang trying to remember the name Bob Barker

Quote #14

"2007 has been awesome. All my friends have been getting divorced and have all this drama and shit."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #13

"For $700 you can get 700 blowjobs, snort all the coke you want for an hour."
-Jeremy Chang, on I have no idea what.

Quote #12

"So...I was watching Star Wars on TV last night, and I realized something. Those Jedi are a lot like people in Williamsburg. Jedi would make really good hipsters, with the way they dress and their bullshit intellectual talk."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #11

Adam: "He drove around shit-faced for 3 nights."
Jeremy: "That's awesome."

Quote #10

I tried to sign up for a free Xbox and all I got was a billion junk e-mails."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #9

"Have you listened to this?"
-Jeremy Chang, asking Adam Rubenstein if he's listened to Adam Dove

Quote #8

"Awww...so you're not going to be pounding any shit tonight?"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #7

"What?!? Can you like...eat a dick?!?"
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #6

"I can smell it when they're in heat."
-Jeremy Chang

Quote #5

"If she can't even walk through a puddle, how's she gonna pick up a pot & cook some shit!"
-Jeremy Chang